been slacking off, back though

Feeling a tad bit down today.
My mother and best friend, in her well-meaning manner, let me know she didn't approve of my newest hairstyle choice and wanted to know why I am taking so long to find myself.
For one, a certain fleeting need to find god has taught me in the last couple of months that everything happens for a reason, and happens when its supposed to. Taking too long to find myself would mean god is planning for me what I can't see or understand right now, but she can't deal with that.
Her nature is of such that if she doesn't agree with my ideas they are wrong.
I am old enough to make my own mistakes and also old enough to know what I want.
Just kinda pisses me off that I can't have my mothers blessing as I make the first few really big decisions of my adult life.
Maybe in time she'll come around.
For me, my hair has always been the one thing I can always control. The length, color, style- you name it, I was in control.over the years, I have researched enough to know that perming my naturally unruly hair is terrible. I have always been a free minded, slightly feminist girl who never really needed to conform. I have family members with sisterlocks, and I now I am convinced that I would love to try them, and have them as my newest project- and possibly the only project my overly-creative mind has ever been able to commit to.
As far as a future, I am not sure what's to come in play for me. It seems day to day my mind and heart play tag and my conscious just sits back and watches on the sideline. After the first major rejection in my life ( a rejection from the university of florida), I was hit with a blow I am slowly recovering from. Now, its just about finding a place to plant my feet for the next 2 years and gather my bearing.

*pause . . .